Sleeping Sickness
by fivecents
Summary: Read it and find out
1. Chapter 1

**This is short, and I'm not sure if it even makes any sense. It's 3 in the morning and I'll probably delete this tomorrow morning once I wake up and realize how awful it is. Alright, well here is Chapter 1:

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**(GUNMAN'S POV)

_The idea came to me a week ago. An infant flame in the dark abyss of my mind. It was simple, efficient; it would get the job done. Was it rational? Not in the least bit. Would it result in utter destruction? Why yes, it would, but that didn't bother me. This was after all a dying man's plan. _

_ I know I could end this in a different way. Make everyone see it in a different way. Turn the hate into sympathy, coal to gold. But I didn't want that, I didn't want them to feel guilt for themselves. I wanted them to feel guilt for what they had turned me into. Treat me like a monster, I will respond as a monster. Destroy me, and I shall rebound with my own form of destruction. Because when I shoot that gun off in the hallway, it won't be a bullet that will take a life. It will be their words, their taunts and actions. It will be their evil that murders. _

On April 19th, I picked up my backpack and went to school. Said goodbye to my parents, made sure I had lunch money in my back pocket, made sure I had the gun tucked underneath my hoodie. I only left one thing behind: myself. I emptied my body of thought, of emotion, of mind, heart, and soul. Because I knew if I carried those heavy burdens with me, I would never be able to pull the trigger. And I needed to pull that trigger; it signified everything. My life and death and whole person revolved around that one small twitch of my finger. That gunshot would define me for the rest of my life.

As I made my way onto school grounds, I was greeted with big plastic smiles worthy of Barbie and Ken. I responded with my own doll face grin. That's all we really were, dolls. Destiny's playthings, fate's toys.

I parked myself on a picnic bench and watched the dolls of Degrassi mull around. They were so oblivious to the horror that would ensue shortly, too wrapped up in their artificial thoughts. None of them realized I no longer saw them as human, but rather walking X-marks-the-spot's. The thought disturbed me, and I clenched my side, my hand wrapping around the barrel of the gun through the fabric of my jacket. _No thoughts, no feelings_, I demanded of myself. To calm myself I repeated the mantra I'd made up and said to myself for months now: "I am nothing. You are nothing. He, she, is nothing. We are nothing." Over and over again my mind mouthed the words, until my head was abuzz of "nothing".

The school bell rang and kids were flurrying around, a huge swarm of limbs making their way through the doors of Degrassi. I didn't budge. I was going to wait for time to trickle away, like grains of sand through cupped palms. One minute. Two minutes. Three, four, five grains of sand. I stood up and walked into the school. Students were still peppered throughout the hallways. As I walked through the halls, I let the soundtrack of laughter and gossip ring through my ears, the sweet anthem of high school.

As I walked and walked, students began to thin out. This was my opportunity, the moment to write myself into Degrassi's history. I'd be remembered for this, the darkest of deeds that would stain this very hallway.

I felt as if I were moving through water, the way my actions were swift and easy. Pulling the gun out from under my jacket. Raising it into the air like the white flag I never waved. Pressing my index finger down upon the trigger. Hearing the boom that shattered the anthem. Screams that split like peas from a shell into the aftermath. Pushes and shoves as kids scramble away, their synthetic body parts speeding them far from me. Until there is only my toy victim and me.

But then I gape at what I see. There are three of us in the hallway, two people and one corpse.

"No," I whisper, as I watch the blood bloom like liquid rose from my victim. A doll can't bleed.

"What have you done?" he yells at me as he crouches next to my victim. His hand lays splat in the middle of a crimson puddle. I am captivated by his face; the backdrop to my backfire.

This wasn't supposed to happen. My victim was supposed to be random, a 307 in a million. Luck if it had been one of my tormenters, fate if it had been anyone else. But this-not this.

"I'm sorry," I say. He looks up, just in time to see me raise the gun to my head.

His yell is veiled beneath my gunshot.

One person, two corpses.

No more grains of sand in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, I'm sorry it took so long for me to update this. At first, I was set on making this a oneshot and then when people wanted me to make it more I was kind of lost on how to continue it. Now though, I have a whole lot of ideas for this so uh, yeah! Anyways, here's Chapter 2. Sorry it's not as well written as Chapter 1 :/

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**It didn't matter that he didn't have his license. It didn't matter that his mom hid the car keys every day. None of it mattered. None of it ever would. He drove and he drove but he never reached his final destination. Because to get where he wanted to, he needed to crash. He needed to flatten his foot against the gas pedal, and peel straight into the first object he could. He needed to fly through the cracked spider web windshield and burst from his body into the red sun. He wanted to end and to break into a thousand bloody pieces of nothingness upon the pavement. For the clock in his chest to run out of time.

But he never did it. His hands clutched the steering wheel and his foot never fell upon the gas as hard as it could. He didn't know why. It wasn't like his life mattered to him anymore. He was walking death already; his heart, mind, and soul had abandoned him the moment the second shot had triggered. The same moment his brother had fallen to the floor, his blood mixing with Fiona's. So much red, his every thought was soaked in it now. Adam wanted to die. He wanted to follow Drew and Fiona to where they'd left him behind. But he couldn't, and that was what killed him more than anything.

_"We're here for you."_ That was all he heard now. From Eli, from Clare, from his parents, from the random population of his school. We're here for you when you finally fall. We're here for you when the numbness stops. We're here for you when you crack like an egg and spill your emotional yolk. We are here to save you.

But Adam didn't want them. The only people he wanted were the ones buried six feet under. The lucky ones who had reached the finish line of their lives.

Slamming his fist against the steering wheel, he began to speed as his frustration mounted. While he couldn't outright crash, he was reckless and tried to invoke an accident. He was going fast now, the world had lost its shape, and he was in a mixing bowl of blurred colors. His heart matched the speed of his car. He was going to do it! He was going to end his life! He was going to see his brother and Fiona again!

And then...it happened. A dog, seemingly from nowhere, was spit in the middle of the empty road. It stood, immobile, fixated on the headlights of its inevitable death. Adam cursed, and spun. Because even though he easily wanted to toss his dismal excuse of a life away, he couldn't do it to a dog. The car swung round and round, a dangerous merry-go-round, and finally came to a stop in the middle of a barren field. Yanking open his door, Adam fell to the ground, dizzy with his head in an absolute flurry. He looked up, searching for a sight of the dog, but there was nothing. Had it even been there in the first place?

"FUCK!" Adam yelled, dirt flying up in small brown puffs as his fists pummeled the ground. Tears poured from his eyes, muddying the earth and Adam fell forward, burying his face in it. He breathed in the rich scent of the dirt, trying to choke on the smell. Because that's all Drew and Fiona had now, right? All they had was the hot, baked ground caking them in their caskets.

For a while, Adam did not move, he merely laid there, his fists falling motionless and dusty. He pushed himself up, his face now bearing streaks of mud, and leaned against the side of the car. Looking up, he saw the freckles of stars painting the face of the night sky. He gulped in a breath of the evening air and tried to calm down but he couldn't.

"Please, please just let me die," he sobbed, rocking back and forth. "I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be me. Just please, God, please." Adam spent a lot of his time now praying to a god he didn't believe in. The Lord had failed him since the moment he'd given Adam a mindset that rebelled against his gender. How could he believe in someone that made him a born mistake? But God was the only one he turned to these days. Because God didn't talk back, God turned a cold shoulder to him and Adam was almost grateful for it. Because the silence was better then the insect buzz of people that always told him they were there for him.

"Fiona, Drew...please talk to me. I need you guys. I need you both," Adam whispered, his eyes hunting the horizon for them. He expected them to appear, glowing beneath the moonlight, but there was nothing. Nothing but himself, drowning in this empty field.

Adam rose on shaky legs, feeling scathing heat blaze through him. He was angry now, angry that they were hiding from him.

"I KNOW YOU'RE HERE! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE. I KNOW-I KNOW," Adam was gasping as tears roughened his voice. He dropped to the ground, the sharp point of a rock jutting into his knee. Adam cursed at the pain.

"You need to calm down," a whimsical voice breathed.

"Seriously bro, you're going into major psycho mode," a deeper voice intoned.

Adam stood and turned, his eyes finding her instantly. Parched, Adam drank in the vision of his princess, smoldering like starlight. Adam swept his eyes to the left, where his brother stood, solid and firm.

"You guys wouldn't answer me," Adam said raggedly in reply to their comments. He walked towards Fiona, their eyes caught upon each other. He didn't dare touch her, knowing her physical body was rotting miles away. His fingers outlined the air around her cheek, pretending that he could feel the warm blush of her skin.

"You know we can't always be there for you," Fiona said lightly to him.

Adam stepped away, shaking his head stubbornly.

"Why not? What else is there for you to do now? You're both dead, you should be here for me!" Adam snapped.

"Adam-" Drew began but Adam rounded on him, his anger elevator-rising.

"No! Don't! This is your fault! This all your fucking fault! Why did you do this? Why did you take her away from me? Why did you-why did you have to die? Tell me, goddamnit!" Adam was crying again, the salty tears blinding him until everything was a watery mess of shapes. He rubbed his eyes viciously, but when his vision sharpened, he was alone again.

Breathing hard, Adam turned and jumped back into the car, the whispers of their presence chasing after him. He gunned out of the field, and hit the road; a speeding bullet. Nothing but thoughts of anger towards a dog that had denied him his death roiled in his mind as he drove from yet another haunted place.

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**If you have any questions, leave them in reviews and I'll answer them either in the next chapter or with a message. Leave your thoughts, thank you! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I'm basically just writing this for Alex, Crystal, and Meghan. I'm not even going to pretend this chapter is good, I just needed to try and write something to get out of this damned writer's block. So anyways Alex/Crystal/Meghan, enjoy crappy chapter 3

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**Adam lay in his bed. He didn't move, just stared and watched the light that sliced through his blinds brighten, brighten, burn, until it slowly began to putter out. Soon the room was bathed in darkness. Adam raised a hand in front of his face and watched the pale ghost palm slowly come into view. Another day wasted. Adam didn't care; Adam didn't care about anything anymore. He'd been loitering away the hours in his room ever since his parents sold their car. _We think it'd be more environmentally friendly if we just took the bus_. Bullshit. They just didn't want him stealing the keys to go on one of his deathly fast joyrides. Looking up at his ceiling, Adam searched the bumps and ridges. He wanted to see the popcorn white material bubble and morph into Drew and Fiona's faces, like in those weird horror movies. But the ceiling didn't transform, didn't change shape, it just lay blank. Adam cursed and that's when his bedroom door was thrown open.

Light spilled into the room like water from a knocked glass. Adam raised his hands in front of his face, blocking the burning glow.

"We've had enough," a male voice said and Adam's hands were roughly yanked from his eyes.

Blinking, Adam made out Eli standing in front of him with an anxious Clare lingering behind.

"I'm not in the mood," Adam snapped. He turned his body away from them and faced the wall, willing them to just leave. To leave him in his world of dark solitude.

"No," Eli insisted. "Adam, it's been three months."

"How the fuck does it make any difference how many months it been?" Adam snarled. He felt his anger, like a simmering ember, in the pit of his stomach.

"I'm just saying-it's time you let us help you is all," Eli said exasperatedly.

"I don't need help," Adam said through gritted teeth. The ember burned.

"Please, Adam." Clare's voice rose like a tiny blade of grass from behind Eli. "We just want you know that we're here for you."

Those words sparked the ember and Adam turned into an inferno. Flames sizzled through his veins, his head filled with smoke. He was a raging explosion. Turning around Adam got into Eli's face.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE HERE FOR ME. I DON'T FUCKING WANT EITHER OF YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME. KEEP YOUR GODDAMN SYMPATHIES TO YOURSELVES," Adam screamed, and it felt good. The first time he'd felt good in a while.

Clare cowered behind Eli as Adam's words crashed around them. Eli narrowed his eyes and took a step forward. Him and Adam were nose to nose.

"Don't act like you're the only one who's ever lost someone," Eli breathed. No yelling, just quiet, controlled anger. "I've been there, Adam. With Julia. I know what you're going through."

"You don't know a single fucking thing about what I'm going through," Adam hissed. The contrast between the two boy's eyes was startling. Adam's blue eyes were steely, cold with his rage. Eli's eyes were burning, furious emeralds.

"You're not the only one who's ever gone through a death!" Eli cried, his control beginning to crack with his frustration.

"I don't care!" Adam yelled back. He was growing drunk on his anger.

"Adam, man," Eli's voice was heavy with pleading. "We just want you back. We miss you, we-"

"I don't want to be back! Okay? Do you understand? I just want to be dead. I just want to fucking die and be with them again. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is it? Because that's the goddamn truth." Like birds, the flock of words flew from Adam's mouth wildly.

"Adam!" Clare let out a sob and Adam turned his gaze to her. Diamond tears filled her blue eyes as a shaking hand covered her mouth at his confession. Adam turned his stare back to Eli's.

"That's the truth. I just want to kill myself," Adam whispered. His lips were quivering and he watched as his best friend's composure cracked.

"D-don't say that. Don't talk like that," Eli gasped. His voice was rough with his bottled sobs.

"You're lucky your best friend is such a coward," Adam said with a lying laugh. His voice was trembling now, his every syllable shaking. "I've tried to-to end it. To just off m-myself but I'm too fucking scared I'm a f-failure."

Adam's knees buckled but then Eli was gripping him, holding him up. He felt Eli's tears roll down his neck. Clare appeared in his blurry vision and she held onto him too.

And Adam cried, truly cried. His sobs reverberated around the room, loud and howling. The three of them sunk like ships to the floor. And they all wept. Wept for their heartbreak and Adam's admission and everything. Wept for that scarlet day in the hallway, where Adam's happiness had so cruelly been ripped from him.

For how long they cried, Adam didn't know. Long enough that his tears cleansed him of his fury. He pulled away from his friends, wiped his wet face with the back of his hand.

"I need to know," he said hollowly. Eli and Clare replied with looks of perplexity.

"I need to know," Adam repeated. He swallowed. "I need to know why Drew did it."

Eli glanced at Clare. They communicated silently, their gazes debating what their tongues didn't. There eyes reached an agreement and Eli turned back to face Adam.

"Okay," he agreed. "We'll help you find it."


	4. Chapter 4

**So, I finally got around to writing. It was slow-going since I've been away from fanfics for so long. Obviously, this chapter isn't my best since I'm still trying to get myself back into writer's mode but I thought it was about time I updated this. There will probably be a few errors here and there since I'm tired and like I said, I just want to update this. Well, enjoy (aka enjoy this Crystal because I know you were so desperate for me to continue this and you were the only one desperate for me to continue this so yeah here you go bb I hope you like it)!**

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The door was white...the knob bronze. A Degrassi Panthers sticker was plastered in the middle. It was a very non-threatening door; yet it terrified Adam. Because what lay behind that door was the truth. The facts of why two young lives had been lost.

Closing his eyes, Adam wrapped his fingers around the doorknob. It was ice cold and Adam felt a chill journey down his spine. It was winter, and the thought of Drew and Fiona's frozen, blue corpses sent bile creeping up his throat.

"We don't have to do this you know," a soothing voice said from behind him. A warm hand rested on his forearm. Adam turned around to face Eli and Clare.

"Yes, we do," Adam stated and turned away again. His hand gripped the doorknob and his mind told his fingers to twist and push, but they remained immobile, clutching the knob. Adam's frustrations were mounting.

"Fuck!" Adam yelled, and his free hand slammed against the door.

"Adam, calm down!" Eli barked and he gently nudged Adam to the side.

"Dude, it's alright," said Eli in a softer voice, and Eli's fingers closed around Adam's and together they both pushed open the door.

The room was dark, the blinds drawn to keep away the happy sun. Adam's fingers fumbled frozenly against the wall, searching for the light switch. Finding it, he flicked on the light and the room lit up.

"Has anyone been in here?" Clare asked, as she walked past Adam. "You know since the...well, that day?"

"Yeah," Adam said, as he slowly ventured further into the room, his eyes sweeping around. "My mom's been in here...and the police, you know, looking for the same thing we are."

It was strange, how empty the room felt. Drew's existence was absent. It was as if the room had been set up for a boy to live, when no boy existed to live there at all. A room built for a ghost that would not show. Adam's skin crawled.

"So, who should look where?" Eli asked, taking command, which Adam was incredibly grateful for.

"I guess you should look in the closet," Adam said slowly, and with a nod Eli wrenched open the closet doors. Adam watched Eli for a few seconds, before he turned to Clare, who was patiently awaiting her instructions.

"Clare, why don't you try the uh...the..." Adam's throat closed up, as the sounds of Eli sifting through Drew's stuff filled the room. Adam pointed helplessly at a corner and Clare asked softly, "The desk?" Adam nodded and Clare gave him a sad smile before walking over and studying the sheaves of paper that had been left behind.

Adam turned slowly, and made his way over to Drew's dresser. Adam pulled open a drawer, and the familiar smell of his brother wafted over him, where it still clung to his clothes. His fingers wrapped around a T-shirt, and he squeezed it in his hand as pain jolted through him. He missed his brother so much. Knowing he was there for a reason though, Adam relaxed his hold on the shirt and slowly began to sift through the drawer, looking for a diary or a note that stated the why of Drew's crime. But there was nothing but clothes, which Adam tossed away as he investigated. Socks, shirts, boxers, a plethora of clothing were all the dresser's contents revealed; that, and one box of condoms that had been hidden in the back of Drew's underwear drawer.

Sighing, Adam slammed a drawer shut and looked up at the top of the dresser. He stopped when he caught sight of something that was half-hidden behind an old basketball trophy. With trembling fingers, Adam reached for it.

"Did you find anything?" Eli asked, as he crouched down scanning the floor of Drew's cluttered closet. When Eli was met with silence he looked up to see Adam with his back turned.

"Adam?" Eli asked, and he watched as his friend turned around. In his hands, Adam was clutching a picture frame. Eli got up and Clare turned away from Drew's desk and the pair of them stood by Adam's side. They all looked down at the frame, at the picture of Drew and Adam as small children with their arms wrapped around each other's shoulders. Adam closed his eyes, and let his mind drift back to that day.

_It had been a few months since Adam and Drew became stepsiblings. It was summer, and they'd been playing with a football, tossing it back and forth in the field behind their old house. _

_ "Bet you can't get me!" Drew taunted, and stuck his tongue out at Adam. His two front teeth were missing. _

_ "Can so!" Adam hollered back and Drew let out a laugh, his arms hugging the football as he turned and raced away. _

_ Adam began to chase after Drew, felt adrenaline pump in his seven year old body. He was close now, just a finger's grasp from him. Adam pushed further and launched himself on Drew in a ferocious tackle that sent them both sprawling into the grass. Adam landed heavily on his elbow; pain spiraling up his arm but that didn't stop him from plunging forward to snatch the fallen football. Triumphantly, Adam turned to his stepbrother only to be met with a look of shock. _

_ "You can't do that! Girls can't do that stuff!" Drew said, his voice insistent yet tinged with awe. _

_ "I'm not a girl! I'm a boy," Adam huffed. Adam's eyes widened at what he'd just said, as the truth of what'd he always known was finally spoken aloud. _

_ Drew's head cocked to the side and he stared quizzically at his stepsister. "You don't __**look**__ like a boy though," he stated. _

_ "But I feel like one! I know I am, Drew," Adam said, and his lip quivered as he fought for his older brother's acceptance and assurance. _

_ Drew contemplated Adam in a way that was beyond an eight year old. Slowly he said, "Okay...you're a boy." He gave Adam a grin before he pounced and tackled him to the grass. _

_ "Stop! Stop!" squealed Adam, and he tried to squirm away from Drew, laughing exuberantly. _

_ Drew released his hold on Adam and the both lay side by side in the empty field. The sun baked them slowly and the blades of grass swished against their cheeks. _

_ "You know," said Drew lazily, his voice close to Adam's ear, "Gracie isn't a boy's name. You're going to need a new name if you're a boy."_

_ "Like what?" Adam asked. _

_ "Hmm...what about...Adam?" Drew suggested. _

_ "Adam." Adam spoke the name, getting the feel of it. "Adam."_

_ "I had a goldfish named Adam," Drew piped up._

_ "I like Adam," Adam finally said._

_ "I liked my goldfish," Drew chirped and the boy's burst into a fit of laughter. They'd spent the rest of the day running around, playing with the football, until Adam's mom had come outside, equipped with her camera. _

_ "Look at you two, getting along so well," Mrs. Torres cooed. "Get together and I'll take your picture."_

_ The sun began its descent in the sky and Drew galloped up beside Adam, tossing his arm around the younger boy's shoulders. _

_ "You're the best brother ever," Drew whispered in Adam's ear, and Adam grinned, just as the camera clicked. _

Adam let the recollection fade away, brought his mind back to the dark room of his now dead brother. He paused, waiting for the tears to spring from his eyes but none came. His trip done memory lane had left him feeling empty and defeated. He felt weighed down by the happy memories that were now tainted so much darker with what Drew had done.

"He was a great brother," Adam murmured, and his finger pressed down on the frame's glass, itching to feel the presence of the first person to accept him for who he was.

Eli and Clare didn't say anything; Eli just clamped his arm tightly around Adam's shoulders, embracing his best friend comfortingly.

Then with a _bang!_, Drew's bedroom door was thrown open.

"What are you doing?" a voice screeched and the three teenagers whirled around to face Adam's mother.

Her gaze flitted around the room, at the drawers that had been yanked open, at the clothing and blankets that had been tossed recklessly to the floor in their hunt for the truth.

"What have you done?" screamed Mrs. Torres hysterically. "Oh my God, what have you done? Get out! Get out now!" She was sobbing now, her hand pressed over her chest, her eyes wild and frenzied.

Adam, Eli, and Clare ran from the room, the reverberating sound of Adam's mothers cries chasing them out. They reached the front door and Clare pulled it open, running towards Eli's hearse. Adam hesitated, looking back.

"Maybe I should stay..." Adam said offhandedly, biting his lip as his mother's wails continued.

"Trust me, she's not going to want you around right now," Eli said. "Come on, you're staying at my house." With that, Eli gripped Adam's sleeve, pulling him towards the car.

And Adam allowed himself to be pulled away, gone from the pain he'd inflicted upon his mother. Gone from the memories that saturated his house. Driving away from the little boy in the field who'd grown into a monster.

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**Well, there you go. Hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner than this one and hopefully my writing will have improved by next chapter. Also, I'm going to start working on my Eli/Jake oneshot after Chapter 5 for this is done. Leave your reviews and what not. Sorry again for being away for so long! .**


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